Bianca Rayvenne
by on September 16, 2018
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As a Findomme I'm consistently learning new things. New fetishes, new techniques, and new everything. What I didn't realize at the beginning of my Findom journey was how much I would change as a person. I've become more caring, more self aware and aware in general. I've become the best possible version of myself - or so I had thought.

Something that changed about me that I'm finally discovering is a lack of being able to be vulnerable. Findom hardens us all a little I think- as it should. We learn how to tell the good from the bad, the real from the fake, and the ugly from the beautiful. We learn so much but we forget that we're allowed to be people. I think that we force ourselves into a state of mind that vulnerability means weakness and unforunately for me, I bought into that. I thought being vulnerable meant I looked weak but that simply isn't true.

Recently I had the rug ripped out from under me. I lost everything that I had saved up for in the past few years and it's been a hell of a roller coaster. It's extremely humbling going from having everything to having virtually nothing all because someone was selfish enough to steal everything I had built up for myself. It was a shock to my system and instead.of allowing myself time to heal and time to work past it, I threw myself into my work and I acted like nothing happened. 

One of my best subs, who I consider to be one of my dearest friends pointed out to me that I don't allow myself to be vulnerable when I'm not doing well. He pushed me to open up and to face my problems instead of hiding and acting like they're not happening. He is the epitomy of what a good sub is and more could learn from his behaviour. He's sweet and loving and he's always ready to serve whether it's financially or emotionally and that's the best kind of sub to have.

You don't have to pretend to be on top of the world when you're at rock bottom. You don't have to pretend that everything in your life is perfect if it isn't.

I'm living and breathing my rock bottom and I'm still here fighting and pushing forward because that's what we do.

 

If ANY of you ladies ever need someone to talk to, if you're ever having problems and you just need to vent - message me. I'll make the time.