by on December 3, 2019

I am a twin headed monster.

Almost every minute of every day I am the epitome of control, I have to be. Running a successful business demands that of me - my staff, clients and customers would be lost without me managing them, their expectations, their processes and constantly pushing them for the successful outcome we all need. In many ways I'm the puppet master at the centre of a whirlwind of ever changing demands and everyone looks to me for control. I have it in abundance, dominating my way through countless challenges on an hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second basis. I manipulate, guide and steer everyone I interact with to get the best out of them and they love it. They adore the satisfaction my dominance and control brings them. Not just because of the financial reward but because they've enjoyed the ride, because giving in to me feels effortless, fun, necessary. Most of all it's because it's the only option I give them, because I am an expert in the art of control, in the pschology of businesses and people. I know what makes them tick.

I am DOMINANT and yet...

I crave surrender. I long to give control to someone who can play the game better than I can. I reach the end of the day and all I want, all I crave, is the comfort of making someone else happy through surrendering myself to them completely. Releasing the dominance I have over my world and entrusting it unto my Mistress, my Goddess, my Queen whatever form she takes. It's something I crave and it should come naturally to me, this urge after all, has been with me for almost as long as I can remember. Something inside me stands in the way.

The other half of my twin headed monster...

... is always there. The price I pay for being a two headed monster, for dominating my way through the rest of my life, is that not everyone has the capacity (or the patience) to control me. I can imagine that dominating me is like a dance of fire and ice. Where my intelligence battles against Your intelligence, my will against Your will, my passion against Your passion. The Domme for me will enjoy the initial battle, they will relish the dance and the games we play. Until eventually, battered, bruised and delighted I collapse into a grateful heap of everlasting subservience, my submission to You seen as a gift that You will cherish. My position in our relationship considered equal, even when you finally take control.