by on May 30, 2020

Hey, Findoms! It's me again, back with another blog post about the intersection of gender and kink. What could go wrong, right?


It's a subject I love to think about, though. What does it mean to be "male" or "female?" What is masculine, and what is feminine? Where is the line drawn between "straight" and "queer?" Often, particularly in kink scenes, these questions come up even when we aren't actively thinking about them.


Take sissies, for example. What is it that draws so many men (or "men," in their case) to high femme expressions of style and submission? Is it because, in our society, being "female" is seen as the worst sin, the weakest possible thing you can be? For someone who gets off on degradation, that might hold some merit.


Or is it not out of a desire to be humiliated, but to be free? Society puts confines on how far we're acceptably allowed to push our gender expression. Men can wear pink, but nothing too frilly and lacy; women can have short hair, but it has to be a style that "flatters the shape of the face," nothing too masculine. In vanilla spaces, we're encouraged to stick to what we were born with, to accept that pink is for girls and blue is for boys. In kink spaces, it all bleeds together into a lovely shade of purple (which, coincidentally, is also one of my favorite colors for a sub's ass to be after a spanking).


Then there's the matter of not just gender presentation, but sexuality, too. Do you like men or women? Cocks or cunts? Breasts or butts? Do all of those things go together the way you've been taught they do?


In my line of work (phone sex and custom fetish audio/vids), I deal with a lot of guys who prefer a woman with a little extra, and I'm not talking about pounds. Chicks with dicks (futanari is a popular term for it) are HUGELY popular, often with guys who consider themselves straight. And you can definitely be a straight guy and like women with cocks, no problem! But I have to wonder how many of those men would consider themselves bi if bi men were more accepted in today's world. Is the "female part" of the person with the cock a requirement to be aroused, or one last mental block in place to keep the thought of a dick from being too "gay?"


None of these things are inherently good or bad, mind you. It's just always interesting to think about the psychology behind the things that get us off, to wonder why we are the way we are and why D/s satisfies us the way that it does. Though they're not the same, I think the LGBT and kink communities share a lot of ground when it comes to self-acceptance and smashing traditional roles.


I'm not immune to scrutinizing myself through this lens. Writing this post, I'm thinking back on a conversation in the comments of a post on this site not long ago. One of our resident subs asked a Domme why she preferred to use the term "King" instead of "Queen." Though I can't speak for anyone else, I was able to chime in as a Domme who occasionally goes by "male" terms such as Sir or Daddy.


For me, I revel in the role reversal aspect of it. If you read my last blog post about kink and gender, you'll know that I enjoy the Female Supremacy kink. Sounds weird, right? FEMALE Supremacy, but you want to be called Daddy? Yeah, it sounds contradictory on the surface. But hear me out.


When you take a title that's usually reserved for men, you're saying, "You see what I think of your off-limits words? You really think I'm gonna let you tell me what I can and can't call myself?" You're saying, "Look who has the power now." You're saying, "If you respect a King more than a Queen, you can call me King, because I should be the #1 person in your life." It often goes hand in hand with things like sissification, completing the role reversal, but there's an almost fond satisfaction in just hearing the terms at all.


It's one of the many reasons why I love this scene so much. When you're already part of a fetish that most people don't get, that gets misunderstood and misrepresented by the media, there's a natural kinship between you and the people who are born with identities that are similarly mistreated. I've seen more queer people in this line of work than any other, and I've worked some liberal jobs.


Anyway, now that my ramblings are out of the way, I'd like to open this post up to discussion. Do you consider yourself to be a part of the LGBT community in any way? Why do YOU feel you enjoy findom/whatever other kinks you have? Are you still discovering yourself, or have you been in it long enough that you've got it all figured out? Let me know! I'd love to know more about all the lovely people in this community.


Stay sexy, Findoms!