This phrase Safe Sane and Consensual applies to any fetish including findom.

I repeat: Safe Sane and Consensual applies to FINDOM!

Having said that let me explain. I have been around the online scene since 2016 and I am appalled at times by the number of people who have never been taught the etiquette of domination. What do I mean by etiquette? I mean manners.  


Safe revolves around simply this. Have you done the prep work needed to make sure the person you are playing with is safe? Can they pay their bills after playing with you? Is your debt contract payment affordable? Are they able to feed themselves? Do they have medical issues you need to know about? IE if he is diabetic, forced intox can be dangerous. Do you have a way to contact someone for this person if they are playing online? And yes as the Dominant that is YOUR JOB. Have you taken the time to come up with safe words to play? 


Is the person you plan to play with of sound mind. Meaning, are they depressed? Stressed? Mentally healthy to be manipulated. Are you in the right mindset to end a play if they safe word? Are you sound enough not to push them for safe wording. They need to be able to trust you to stop if that is what it comes to. Are you too wasted to be able to play safe?


This seems to be so hard for some to wrap their heads around. Has this person told you it is ok to do what you want to do? Meaning they have given consent. Consent is the difference between BDSM and abuse. That can not be said or repeated enough. This is something that is taught to everyone who has had a mentor. 


This one I know can be hard but I have a blog with a few books of education on this fetish. Read blogs from people like me and other top dominants here. These are the things we sare for free. Don't plagiarise our stuff but analyze it. Take the time to figure out what you want to do. What you are comfortable with and BE YOU.


Very interesting stuff, and definitely something to keep in mind when you're playing! On that note, I'd be interested to see the divide on this site between those who prefer SSC and those who prefer RACK (risk-aware consensual kink). I've been enjoying the latter more and more lately, but they mean pretty much the same thing, so either way, it's good to see discussion of this on the site!


I was deliberately waiting before I brought that up at all as there is also PRICK. .


I did a poll about it awhile ago. I'll bump it back up 


Thank you for that poll Miss Alley! 


can I share this?


By all means, if you wish to. Share the link to this post.


thank you

Mistress Charlotte

I appreciate this. "Consent is the difference between BDSM and abuse". I am huge in practicing and advocating making sure in a d/s relationship (wether temporary or long term) that there's safety, consent and boundaries all kept in mind. I don't just want the money, I don't just want the power, a healthy and happy submissive is more likely to return, stay, and serve a domme better. I like having substance to my interactions with submissives, I have a huge personality that's not just a persona. It's possible to be compassionate and dominant in the same breath. I'm always happy to see fellow dommes treating their subs with the proper etiquette and I genuinely get sad / disgusted at the horror stories I have been told by subs with some of their expiriences with uneducated in etiquette dommes. A mutually beneficial exchange is key to a successful one. Safety. Boundaries. Aftercare. Consent. This after all is a relationship of sorts and can get deeply intimate. Thank you for this again.